Down With The Sickness
by MarinaEverlasting
Summary: Semi AU. "Shut it, Trish! This is all your fault!" It was a muffled voice. Trish stared in the direction where the voice came from and scowled at the male that was hiding behind Lady's back. It seems that Dante isn't immune to colds. DantexLady one-shot.


**Down With The Sickness**

* * *

><p>Lady was curled up in a gnawed, red couch (a couch that had become a temporary nest of tissues and blankets) like a fuzzy, lazy cat.<p>

Just like the aforementioned lady, the whole room was also a complete mess. It was Dante's property, though, so that may explain the decaying state of it.

"Who would have thought that the cold, smart, and almighty Lady would catch a cold, huh?" The blonde sniggered. "It's almost funny that only a snow-ball was needed to make you look like this miserable."

Lady sniffled pathetically, eyes watering. "Very funny, Trish." The huntress then embraced herself tightly with the blankets that lay all around her as she felt a cold breeze coming her way. Trying to keep the cold at bay was something futile... especially with such thin clothing (apparently, an over-sized shirt and a pair of flowery-patterned shorts just wasn't enough to keep her warm.)

The blonde demoness before her, who was holding two cups of chamomile tea, only smirked in response. "Look at it on the bright side, sweetie," She said light-heartedly as she rested both of the cups on the coffee table in front of them, "you will be able to lose weight without having to go on a diet~~!"

"Shut it, Trish! This is all your fault!" It was a hoarse and muffled voice. Trish stared in the direction the voice had come from and scowled at the white-haired male that was hiding behind Lady's back and clutching her tightly, as if she were a stuffed animal, in a pathetic attempt to generate more heat.

She seemed not to mind; grabbing a tissue and blowing her irritated nose, Lady was more focused on trying to stay awake. She felt horrible... at least her companion wasn't doing much better. Dante kept sneezing, opening and closing his beet red eyes to make them stop watering, and sniffling. No one would ever believe Trish if she said this was Sparda's cocky son.

The sight was pretty funny, and kind of pathetic, of course.

His nose was the same color as his eyes, his throat was as irritated as his nose, his head was throbbing as if his brain were thumping along to the beat of a techno song, and he couldn't help the overwhelming desire of falling asleep caused by the painkillers, just like Lady, who looked even worse than him.

Much more worse.

"Hey, hey, hey! Remember I wasn't the one who had the great idea of having a snowball fight in the middle of nowhere!"

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_Argh, it's fucking freezing in here…"_

_"__Ah, c'mon, c'mon__. Don't be such a killjoy, babe.__W__e're having fun, aren't we? Don't __make__ that face; you'll get wrinkles if you don't smile more often!"_

_Lady huffed. She couldn't deny that the snow was bea__utiful, and the place where both of them were certainly was even more breath-taking and all, and it was much appreciated, but... what was the point of this oh-so-lovely visit, anyway?_

_"__So where __is the oh-so-famous demon we have to kill?"_

_"…"_

_A mo__ment of silence._

_"__Dante?"_

_"… … … …__"_

_"__Are you listening to me?"_

_He didn't answer her__ and then, realization hit her._

_She narrowed her eyes. "… … … …It was all a lie, __wasn't it__?"_

_Dante shrugged. "If I had told you to come here with me without using the __excuse of the __mission, would you have accepted?"_

_"__No."_

_"__There__;__ you have your answer."_

_"__You're impossible."_

_As she rolled her eyes and left Dante to do whatever he wanted, Lady realized that her normal attire wasn't very good at keeping in the heat. She __wrapped her arms __a__round herself and closed her eyes, shivering. She should have chosen a better choice of clothing..._

_Fuck._

_"__What's the point of bringing me here, anyway? It's cold and there's nothing we can do.__ We're in the middle of nowhere __and__ I have othe__r things to do and- Dante?"_

_When she opened her eyes, Dante was no longer there. __She looked around, but he was nowhere to be found._

_He had disappeared._

_She was going to call him, her fingers twitched and she was tempted to grab her gun, but__…_

_"Holy fucking _**_SHIIIT_**_!"_

_A__sudden explosion of cold prevented her from saying or doing anything __other __than__yelling and cursing like a sailor._

_The woman nearly fell over as she turned around. Thankfully, she was able to regain her balance. __Lady__ spotted the culprit, who was standing behind her..._

_Her right eyebrow began to twitch._

_"__Y-You__…__-!"_

_The person who stood before her now, already holding another ball of snow in his bare fingers was Dante himself. He smiled and blinked innoc__ently at her, as though he didn't know why she was pissed at him._

_Before she could complete her insult, Lady's face was met with another snow-ball, bigger than the first one._

_As the cold snow and melted water (still cold, though) ran down Lady's face, __her hands curled into fists. She also gritted her teeth and her eyes seemed like they had turned bright red. The look __on__ her face would have been enough to frighten a normal person, or even a low ranked demon._

_Then again, Dante wasn't normal, and he certa__inly wasn't a low ranked demon._

_"__What is it? Cat got your tongue?__Or maybe you are scared and don't have the guts to fight me?" And he laughed again, this time louder than before._

_It was enough for Lady to shout at him in anger as she wiped __off__ the remai__ns of water from her cold, red face. Then, she grabbed all the snow she could in her hands and threw it at him, anywhere, as long as it hit somewhere!_

_And __there they stood, throwing snow__balls at each other relentlessly, with ferocity, as though they were__ little kids._

_Dante had taunted her several times, calling her names and laughing at her in that obnoxious way she hated so much, but Lady ignored all of his words__ as she __couldn't let him distract her__. The two kept the snow-ball fight going on__ for hours. Laughter and various insults was all that could be heard if anyone were to pass through there._

* * *

><p>Lady sniffled once again, shifting around on the couch, and took a hold of the almost burning cup of chamomile tea that was resting before them on the coffee table.<p>

"That may be so, but you were the one who decided that it would be a good idea to eat something healthy for once, remember?"

Trish smiled sheepishly and looked down. She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she reminisced what had happened a few days ago.

* * *

><p><em>"Lady, are you alright?" Trish knocked at the bathroom door several times, but she wasn't answered. Her voice was filled with so much concern it was almost sickening.<em>

_She could hear her gagging and moaning from the othe__r side, so it was obvious that she wasn't alright. When she decided to open the door and enter__, Lady emerged from the bathroom, her face contorted in pain. She had __bags under her eyes and her normally healthy skin was now of a sickly pale color._

_She looked like a ghost._

_"I think I got poiosoned __thanks to that thing you cooked." She said with a hoarse voice and half-lidded eyes._

_Trish flushed a little at this. Even though she hated it, she couldn't deny that her cooking skills needed some __improvement__. It shouldn't be so difficult, right? Even so, the demoness couldn't really cook edible meat to save her life._

_"Urgh… Oh, God… … Dante was right…!"_

_If Lady was going to say something, she wasn't able to do so._

_She ran towards the bathroom aga__in, closing the door behind her._

_"T-That's not it!" She said aloud, hoping Lady could listen to her even though the brunette was more focused on throwing up all the 'evil' stuff she had eaten. "If it was because of that, then Dante would be as ill as you __are!"_

…

… …_It would have been better if she hadn't said anything, because minutes later, Trish saw herself kneeling next to Dante, holding his head and rubbing __soothing__ circles on his back._

_"I'm dying, I'm dyiiiiiiiiing!" He managed to say as he emptied t__he contents of his stomach._

* * *

><p>"Okay, okay! So maybe it was because of the food I cooked…!"<p>

"See?" Dante half-said and half-sneezed. "None of this would have happened if we had stuck with pizza!"

"Urgh… I feel horrible…" Lady whined as she blew her nose. "Even the weatherman on the news looks handsome to my eyes now…"

"You don't look so bad…" Dante muttered. Lady titled her head to meet his gaze. Both of them stared at each other intently and Lady's cheeks turned a faint crimson color. "D-Don't be silly, you look gorgeous… … despise the dark circles under your eyes, the red nose, the swollen lips…"

Lady grimaced. "Ngh… Oh, God, it can't be…!"

"Yep, you have dark circles under your eyes, your nose is red and your lips are swollen and dry and…-"

"No, no it's not…- it's not that…!"

When Dante was about to ask her what was happening to her, Lady's eyes widened and began to water. Then she started gagging and finally, she got up from the couch and sprinted towards the bathroom.

"Ah, how sweet~." Trish mused to herself while Dante got up to follow Lady in an attempt to verify if she was 'alright'. "I wish I had someone to share the decomposition, too…"

Other people's misery was entertaining and kind of funny.

* * *

><p>"They look so endearing…! Don't you think so, Vergil? They haven't argued nor have tried to kill each other for two hours! Since they have no defenses in their bodies, they're all calm and meek~~. A few more days being like this and I'm sure they hook up."<p>

"I didn't take you for a shipper."

Trish shrugged.

Even though Lady could be cold and bitchy and hard-to-get sometimes, she could also be (almost) sweet, caring and loving, and during the last few days, she'd been softer than usual with the younger twin, massaging his scalp to ease his headaches, helping him to throw up, rubbing circles on his back... Trish is not blind, and she could definitely see in the huntress' eyes and behaviour something more than half-hearted glares and bitchiness.

It was so obvious, so sweet~!

Both Dante and Lady were sitting on the gnawed red couch of the 'shop', sharing an electric blanket. Lady, whose skin still looked unhealthily pale, showing blue veins with alarming clarity, had her eyes closed, or at least that was what it looked like. Her head was resting on Dante's shoulder as she trembled pathetically, snuggling in closer to him.

Dante, meanwhile, had his eyes opened… well, more like half-lidded, completely red and swollen. His skin was the same color as Lady's, and his hair was horribly disheveled, soaked in sweat. His nose was red and irritated, contrasting sharply with the lily-white tone of color of his skin. He was sure his nose would soon bleed if he kept blowing it… probably. He was known to exaggerate thing a bit. Just a bit.

Vergil closed his eyes and sighed.

They looked pathetic rather than endearing, but if Trish wanted to think they looked cute, then he wasn't going to be the one that would break it to her.

Not at all.

"Trish, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but believe me, when those two recover from the cold, or from the flu or from whatever illness they have, they will return to behaving as if nothing had happened."

"But-"

"Swallow the damn pill! I told you that I'm in better shape than you!"

The blonde was interrupted.

Then, Vergil and Trish turned their respective heads to look at the sick couple.

Dante, with trembling arms and fingers, tried to hand a red pill to Lady, but when she took it she narrowed her eyes and clicked her tongue in disapproval.

"In better shape than me? You barfed in front of us half an hour ago! Now shut up and take the pill!" The petite woman said as she gave it back –or at least she was trying to give it back to Dante, even though it shouldn't be so difficult since he was right next to her.

"See?"

Trish shut her lips tight, frowned and quirked an eyebrow. "Maybe you're right…"

…

_Damn._

Realizing that, the blonde lunged at them and took the pill from Lady's trembling hands. Both of them looked at her with startled faces, but they were even more startled when they saw her swallowing the pill.

"What?" She said as if what she'd done was the most normal thing in the world. "I like the taste of human medicine."

* * *

><p>If yesterday she felt like shit, today she was even worse. Dante seemed to be recovering, or at least he looked better than her. Lady clicked her tongue as she covered herself with the electric blanket. She felt colder than usual, which made her wonder what was happening to her to feel make her feel like that.<p>

Perhaps it was only her imagination?

"D-Dante…?" She stuttered and shivered. "Don't you have the feeling that it's fucking freezing in here?"

Dante, too, covered himself with the electric blanket as he sneezed and trembled. "Now that I think 'bout it…" Yes, there was something off. The devil looked to his left and when he did so he discovered what was causing them to feel so cold. He scowled and gritted his teeth. "Wha…- What the fuck is that?!"

There was a small ventilator placed in a small end-table next to them and, next to it, a smiling Trish was standing.

"It's a ventilator to help you sweat the fever. It's essential for your recovery; if you don't sweat it out, you will never get better~."

After that, Trish began to open all the windows of the shop as she hummed a nonsense tune to herself.

"What are you doing?!" Lady yelled with a raspy voice as she curled herself into a ball hoping it would keep her warm. "Don't open the windows; it's ten degrees outside!"

But Trish didn't listen.

"… …Maybe I'm being a bit mistrustful, but… … but don't you have the feeling that Trish doesn't want us to recover?" Dante asked as he watched Trish opening windows.

"Urgh… That doesn't make sense… …Don't worry, she's doing all this for our own good…"

Yeah that's right.

Trish was doing all that for their own good.

… …

…She had better be doing this for their own good.

* * *

><p>The blonde smiled evilly as she hummed a random song under her nose. In front of her there was a cup of chamomile tea and a bottle of –supposedly- medicine, resting above a table from the kitchen, and she was holding a dropper.<p>

The liquid dripped from the dropper and melted with the yellowish liquid inside the beige cup.

"What's that, Trish?"

Dante's voice made her jump in surprise and she rapidly tried to hide the bottle of medicine behind her back.

"T-This is a great thing that will make all your pains go away…!" She stammered as she smiled sheepishly.

"Oh, is that so? Let me see what you're hiding behind you."

"Uuum… It will be better if you don't see it; it is made of a lot of disgusting ingredients and…-"

Dante rolled his eyes grabbed the bottle and the dropper she was hiding by force. Even though he was in a weak state, stealing those things away from Trish wasn't very difficult.

Then, Dante proceeded to read the prospect of the medicine aloud while Trish scratched her nose, her eyes focused on the dirty floor of the kitchen, which became, all of sudden, pretty interesting. "Revilirex… Say yes to intestinal regularization… Wait, this… This is a fucking laxative!"

The demoness stole the bottle from Dante's hands and laughed lightly, her cheeks red because of the embarrassment. "I rather consider it as a… Um… potion of love~."

"If by love you mean hug the toilet, then I agree with you."

"Don't get all angry! Don't you see that since you and Lady got sick, she's more affectionate and lovey-dovey with you? And she has stopped bitching and moaning at you and now you don't argue. _You_ should be thanking _me_ for being so considerate."

Dante contained the urge of running his hands through his hair. "Look, Trish, I appreciate your good intentions, but you've gone too far. I'mma go talk with Lady right now and…-"

Before he could end the sentence, the ill-looking Lady entered kitchen. She looked and walked like a zombie.

Yeah, that's right. He was going to tell her…!

He had to…!

"Lady, you know that-?"

"The only thing I know is that I feel like shit and that my head is gonna explode." She interrupted. The woman came in closer to Dante, and to his surprise, she rested her head against his chest, closing her eyes. "Ah… That feels much better…" She put her hands around his waist, hugging him. He shuddered visibly, for he didn't expect to be hugged, but Lady supposed his reaction was due to the cold. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

Dante wrapped his shaking arms around Lady. "F-Fine…~"

"I'm gonna sit down on the couch for a little while…" Lady looked at him with a small smile. "Why don't you come with me so we can watch one of those crappy gore-ish, badly dubbed movies you love so much?"

Dante gulped and nodded, and then grinned. He said no words, because forming them seemed like an impossible thing to do.

Lady seemed to be content with his 'reply', so she released her hold on his hips and made her way to the couch.

When she was gone, Dante and Trish shared a devilish grin.

"On second thought, you should keep slipping that in Lady's drinks." Dante said with a smirk, folding his arms.

* * *

><p>"Have you discovered if Trish was trying to poison us?"<p>

Dante looked at Lady, who was sitting on the couch, and smiled weakly, even despite his exhausted state. "Nah, she's doing all this for our own good~, Trish is treating us the very best!" He said as he sat next to her.

"… …If you say so… …"

He chuckled, a bit too darkly for Lady's tastes.

"I say so."

Then, the platinum-haired devil gently pulled Lady closer to him until the two of them lay curled up together. Lady didn't have much choice, but much to Dante's surprise, she didn't protest and snuggled closer to him.

"...Don't get any ideas," she said frowning moodily, already knowing what was running through his mind, even though her eyes had a soft aura in them. "Moron. I'm just cold. That's all."

Sigh.

Of course.

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><p><strong>AN:** Edited! I finally found someone to edit it for me~ ;A; **Thank you, Clumsy Ninjable ;A;**


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